I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
