before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
