And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
