I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
