Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
