Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
