I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
