is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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