I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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