I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
