Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
