Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The Olympian is in my bed
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
