Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
