By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
