somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
