can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize