Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
