Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
