Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
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I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
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I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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