She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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