were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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