you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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