I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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