I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
