Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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