Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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