FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
