Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
