All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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