She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
