Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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