I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
