Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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