so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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