I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
