but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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