Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
