yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
