first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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