I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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