Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
