I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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