he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
