Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
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WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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