what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
