Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
