this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize