then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm at about main and main street
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
