I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
