I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
