Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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