i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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