i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
