quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
