is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
