Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.