do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
