My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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