I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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