Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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