I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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