If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
