I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
