Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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