Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
