i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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