He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
