I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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