Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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